I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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