he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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