I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just tell him i said nine months
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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