how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
