i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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