ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The Olympian is in my bed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize