I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
