can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
