I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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