No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize