Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
