I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
