so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
