So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
