I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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