I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
