Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
