I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
