With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
