Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
