When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
