you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
