How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
