Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
