The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
