i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
