Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
In America we eat man semen.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize