The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
