that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
