The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
