He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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