he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
