I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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