Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
