His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
