So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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