I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found puke in my bra..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
