That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
