you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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