I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
