Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
