He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
