made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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