We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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