they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
