Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
