Im at strip club and am horny
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
