ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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