This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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