Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
