Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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