I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
