Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
