If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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