It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
