Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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