And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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