there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
