names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
