I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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