I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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