Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
