You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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