He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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