I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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