Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
