I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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