On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
