at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
