You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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